Movie Title: Friday the 13th
Runtime: 106 min (extended edition)
Genre: Horror, Mystery, Thriller
Writer: Damian Shannon and Mark Swift
Starring: Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Amanda Righetti, Travis Van Winkle, Aaron Yoo, Derek Mears, Jonathan Sadowski, Julianna Guill, Ben Feldman, Arlen Escarpeta, Ryan Hansen, Willa Ford, Nick Mennell, America Olivo, Kyle Davis, Richard Burgi, Nana Visitor
Review: When a group of twenty-something teenagers head to the lake for a party weekend they couldn't have picked a worst place to go. Once they discover that they're at Camp Crystal Lake, its most infamous resident, a murderous masked mama's boy, decides to be a party pooper and kill them all one by one in graphic, gory fashion. It's Friday the 13th...the remake, reboot, re-imagining, re-do, re-tread, restart... whichever you like.
Friday the 13th (2009) is the best of the Michael Bay/Platinum Dunes reboots; and that ain't saying much. And talk about a cynical cash grab, this remake basically remakes the first 4 of the '80s slasher series, but it changes the things fans enjoyed about the series and leaves alone the elements that needed to be updated.
This time around, instead of Jason Voorhes being an unstoppable, almost supernatural monster-man, he's just a deformed survivalist that's been camping out for far too long at Crystal Lake and isn't a fan of trespassers. The movie gives away his secrets and explains his motivation which removes any mystery or surprise of these hockey-masked menace.
All of the dead meat young people look like models for clothes and perfume ads of the day and they are given way too much time to be established as the one-dimensional caricatures that these movies are packed with. It's such a waste of time to establish four or five different times that the douche bag guy of the group is a huge douche bag. We got it the first time. Stevie Wonder could see this guy is repugnant scum. Plus, they all make bad decisions, have inane dialogue, and are just there so Jason and murder them in some unique way that tickles his fancy.
And that's another thing that I thought was odd for a movie with such a distinct pedigree - most of the kills are lackluster and without suspense or tension. It's gory, but not very memorable like Friday films of the past. And the nudity is crazy excessive. These slasher flicks do have their standard topless scene, but this one goes gratuitously overboard. Cover up, ladies. I'm not your doctor!
Friday the 13th (2009) does have its moments and is production-designed within an inch of its life, but unless you're a die-hard Friday, actually...no, fans of the series will not like this one because it doesn't really honor the previous entries and lazily references them. I'm not even sure who this movie's audience is exactly. It's certainly not the die hard fans. It's not the new horror fans because wouldn't know who in the heck Jason Voorhes is or what Friday the 13th even means to the horror genre. I guess it's for those film-goers that enjoy watching graphic gore and T&A and not much else. However, if you do enjoy the Friday the 13th film series then I suggest watching one of the original four for all the machete mayhem you can handle.
Fun Fact: Characters Clay and Whitney's last name is Miller. This is a reference to Victor Miller, the creator of the Friday the 13th (1980) series.