Movie Title: Once Upon a Time in Venice
Writer: Mark Cullen and Robb Cullen
Starring: Bruce Willis, John Goodman, Jason Momoa, Emily Robinson, Jessica Gomes, Thomas Middleditch, Famke Janssen, Adam Goldberg, Wood Harris, Billy Gardell, Elisabeth Rohm, Tyga, Christopher McDonald
Review: When Private Eye Steve Ford's (Bruce Willis) beloved dog, Buddy, is stolen by local thugs, he makes a questionable alliance with their devious leader, Spider (Jason Momoa) in order to set things right. Plus, many other quirky scenarios pop up to distract you from just how amateurish and unfunny this film actually is. Once Upon a Time in Venice might be one time to many. Let's get into it...
These days Bruce Willis is damaged goods. With a string of endless direct to redbox movies where he looks completely uninterested in the material and the fact that he's performing on-screen, I was surprised to see Willis appear more energetic in the trailer for this action-comedy. I was interested in seeing Willis in a fun action movie with co-stars John Goodman, Jason Momoa, and many more - who only appear in one scene as more of a cameo or a favor to the filmmakers - but this movie is a dud. It's bland, unfunny, uninteresting, and made by the duo that wrote past Bruce Willis crap-fest Cop Out.
The script is terrible. It feels like to kids wrote it by simply copying scenes from other, much better movies and then adding the "and then..." or "and wouldn't it be funny if..." style of storytelling. It seems like a cobbled together mess that is made for a much younger audience. And what doesn't help is a completely miscast lead actor. Willis is just too old for the role of Private Eye Steve Ford. He like surfing and skateboarding, but Willis seems like he doesn't much like anything throughout the runtime, and when he does "act" it seems so forced and half-assed that you get a little angry with him and you feel bad for his co-stars.
Much of the movie is Willis getting into "funny" situations that he either has to talk, punch, or run his way out of. We have Willis stealing a car back from drug dealers for his friend. Willis has to skateboard naked through Venice at night to evade thugs. Willis has to stop a vulgar graffiti artist from ruining a realtor's business. Willis has to help his friend Dave (John Goodman) who's going through a divorce. Willis has to get his dog back for his niece. Willis has to escape capture from the transvestite that give him a "makeover". It's so bad that it makes you wonder if Willis needs the money or if he lose a bet.
This is a "what were they thinking" movie that should have made in the '80s, but really shouldn't have been made at all. Skip it at all costs. And don't visit Venice. Not once, not ever!
Fun Fact: According to Ralph Garman, on a podcast (Hollywood Babble-On), he is not in the movie anymore because his scenes were cut. This was due to Bruce Willis deeming the scenes featuring Garman unnecessary to shoot.